Final Post 5363

HOARDING MEMORIES, OBJECTS and AFFIRMATION

I walked through my childhood today

past misty corridors and mind swept tides

of blue moons and smiling skies

where no one ever reached in to find me.

Wishing I were on that star again

where all my dreams were

reality and pulsing like a babies breath

reaching out 

to touch  a glimmer

of the sun.

(P Fine. Written Feb. 26, 1974)

I am a memory hoarder. I am also a picture hoarder. I snap pictures of places I have been; roads, woods and streets I have walked on. I collect  - things; random items which have no meaning to anyone but myself.

There is the wallet that was in my mother’s purse the night she died in an airplane.  

Homage to my Mother. Photograph Assemblage 1973

The wrapper from biscuits 

served to me on Qantas Airlines   

Qantas Airlines Biscuit Packaging. Photo. P Fine 2012

                                               

The  different candy bars and chocolates 

                                                                                                I purchased on a visit to London

London Candy Packaging. Photo. P Fine 2012

    The stickers from the fruits 

I eat                                

stacked

on my refrigerator

               

Fruit and Vegetable Stickers. Photo. P Fine 2013

          

The pictures I have taken of 

                                                                                   GIGANTIC lemons from a tree in Perth.  

Giant Lemons. Photo. P Fine 2012

Homes on the streets of Milton Keynes. 

      Milton Keynes Thatched Homes. England.
                         Photos. P Fine 2012

  Rainbow colored spools of thread from a store in London. 

Spools of Thread, London. Photo. P Fine 2012

      Feathers in milk bottle at Jeff's

Jeff's Feathers. Woodstock. Photo P Fine 2013

                                   
















              

and

The “Heart Attack” road I climbed on my 6oth birthday weekend in Woodstock.

Heart Attack Hike. Woodstock. Photo. P Fine 2013

In 1969 I began drawing in sketchbooks. That same year (my junior year of high school) several events happened in rapid succession:

            My family moved from our tiny two-bedroom apartment home to a three-story home.

            I became very ill, weighing only 78 pounds before diagnosis and recuperation.

            My grandmother died the day I came out of the hospital.

The move to our new grand home was a scant two years before my mother passed away.

Not a great two years.

My mother affirmed my creativity.

In our little two-bedroom apartment I had freedom to do whatever I wanted. I owned a tiny half of a bedroom. My brother being the eldest had the larger half after the room was divided. I had a fish net hanging over my bed to hold my hand made earrings which resembled miniature dancing mobiles. I painted the ceiling, the window shade, my lamp and had one wall covered with graffiti – anyone who came to visit was invited to sign or draw on my wall with markers.

Our 2 Bedroom Apartment. Photo P Fine 2013

Our Three Story Home. Photo. P Fine 2013

My mom had my artwork professionally framed 

and hung it in our new home.

Most of my childhood drawings and early artwork up to that time has since been lost due to a flood in the basement somewhere between 1972 -1973. My father remarried a year after my mother’s death and my engaging stepmother put all my artwork in the basement (see “First Journal Writing” for the sequel to this prequel). In the sequel “She” moved my “stuff” to the attic; here in my mother’s home “She” moved my “stuff” to the sub-basement amongst the boiler and the air-conditioning unit. And then the flooding came. Thankfully, I still have a few early drawings and sketches, but most of my art from elementary, junior and high school is gone.

First Works. Oil Pastel. 5" x 7"  Date unknown. P Fine

Self Portrait. Charcoal. 9" x 12" 1969 P Fine

My Piano. Pen and Ink  9" x 12". October 26, 1966 P Fine

Pen and Ink. 15" x 20" 1968 P Fine

The JOURNALING YEARS

The Series of Journals 4" x 6" 1973 - 1982 P Fine

First Small Journal 4" x 6" Begun 1973 P Fine

In 1978 I   stumbled
upon a retrospective of Saul Steinberg held at the Whitney Museum.

It changed my life.

The Whitney exhibit was brilliant, unlike anything I had ever seen before. For me, it was the show of the year. Apparently, others felt the same way too. Well-known personalities of the day flocked to attend the Grand Opening (Alas! I never received an invitation). Anyone who was anyone was at the Opening (http://www.nysocialdiary.com/node/1908814/print). Saul Steinberg’s art spoke vibrantly to me. I was already doing small drawings and pasting doodles along with words into my book. Steinberg's art combined doodles, collages, stamped images, fake drawn and painted rulers, passports and documents…. I could have spent days looking at his work. His prodigious output of illustrations, paintings and drawings continue to influence artists and graphic designers today (http://www.saulsteinbergfoundation.org/life_work.html).

Dedication Page of First 4" x 6" Journal 1973 P Fine

Bubbles. Watercolour doodle in 4" x 6" Journal 1973 P Fine

I began utilizing stamps and stickers in my small journals, incorporating them into the pages.

Three Pages from my Journal with Stampings and Perforations. 4" x 6" 1979. P Fine

No Returns on Layaways. Stamp and Watercolour. 4" x 6". 1981 P Fine

AFFIRMATION

I had a student several years ago with a very quirky sense of humor. She did not believe she drew well, but her concepts and ideas were unique. I told her about Saul Steinberg and how her work carried his quality and sense of humor. For two years I tried to get her to marry her sketches, doodles and writings with the use of a scanner, computer, Photoshop and Illustrator. She dug her heels in and refused until her senior year.

Then she took off like a rocket.

It was beautiful to behold.

I watched in awe as she churned out idea after idea after idea.

And they just kept getting better and better.

Christy listened when I talked; not just about art, but about my personal stories as well.

She made me little doodles and notes on papers and on the white board in the classroom.

I took pictures of the whiteboard and kept all the notes.

At the end of her Senior year in High School for a "thank you" graduation gift to me, she created a drawing of some of the important details of my life a la Steinberg.

And there was a card to go with it.

The card is pasted to the back of the frame.
Tucked away in its envelope, I take it out every now and then to read and affirm my self.

Pamela's View of The World a la Steinberg. Gift of Christy Parrott.  Ink and Colored Pencil. 12" x 18"  2009

We meet every now and then for dinner and to catch up on our lives. Christy studied Advertising and Graphic Design in University. She came to visit my Graphic Design class to talk about the industry and show her work to my students.

I was sent an invitation to her college graduation. I was unable to make the graduation.

I was invited to her wedding. My graphic design students helped me design a “Just married” props that would go onto their getaway car.

Just Married Getaway Car Ornament. 

Foam trays, acrylic paint, silver hot glue, ribbons, 

#2 graphite and colored pencils. Graphic Design Class. 2013.

DOODLING AND OTHER FANCIFUL FACTS

I am a rabid doodler. I doodle on any paper sitting near me while on the telephone. My daughter would leave her homework near the phone and I would doodle all over her paper causing her much frustration and extra work. She learned quickly to put her homework away upon completion.

For years I have been keeping sketchbooks and journals documenting my personal phone calls. Almost all are dated and named. Sometimes I have included the time as well as parts of the conversations. The doodles are often unconsciously drawn with little “thought” or concentration. They evolve. They just “happen”.

Arth PCD 11" x 12.5" 17 Pen and Ink 
April 2010 P Fine

Ivy PCD 11" x 12.5" Sanguine Conte 

28 Dec 2011 P Fine

I have been doodling since I was a young girl.

MEMORY

My mother would doodle while talking on the telephone. She doodled on envelopes and papers sitting nearby. When she was finished, I would grab her papers and look at them. Her favored repeated pattern was a basket with egg-like shapes inside. 

I copied her doodles.

I copied her handwriting.  

Somewhere 
in my piles of possessions 
are all the letters she wrote to me 
when I spent summers at sleepaway camp. 

They are in a box 

somewhere in my home.

I am currently working on cleaning out the debris that surrounds all these precious memories, both physically and emotionally. I have not been a successful organizer. My life moves like quicksilver and I have had more to do than time allotted, so housekeeping has taken backstage for many years.

My daughter has given me great advice. 

She suggested I take pictures of all the 

things I have a hard time getting rid of 

(papers, knick knacks, etc.) and then 

draw and paint pictures of them.

A few years ago I stumbled upon a writer/artist/documenter while perusing books in a store (another habit of mine – collecting books). A woman after my own heart, Maira Kalman recollects stories of her past and her family as she weaves off-beat tales about found objects and photos of strangers in her book “The Principles of Uncertainty” (Kalman, 2007). Snapshots of couches, postcards, letters, tickets and other ephemera are included in the appendix, revealing some of her references of the objects she paints.

This is what I hope to do with my various “collections”.

MORE AFFIRMATIONS

I like to write letters. I send hand painted letters to friends, and sometimes, to people I have never met. I have been doing this since I was a teenager. While reading about artist Faith Ringgold (Farrington, 2004) I was struck with a desire to write to her. Ringgold was born 23 years before me, is African American and grew up in Harlem, yet in many ways I consider her a kindred spirit. Many of Ringgold's actions have indirectly affected my life. She was at the forefront ( a leader, worker, mover and shaker) of the Civil/Women’s Rights movements of the sixties,  while I was a recipient of the ongoing aftermath of those eventful days.
Upon finishing the book, I wrote Ms Ringgold a three-page letter. I wanted to affirm her impact on my life and to thank her for it. I made the first of a series of small paintings titled “The Women’s Dialogue” which was sent to her. To date, I have not heard back from her. I have created a second painting in the series, and am looking forward to doing more of them.

The Women's Dialogue, Part One. Watercolour. Inspired by Faith Ringgold. Card mailed to Ringgold Dec. 1, 2013 

One page of the letter written to Faith Ringgold. Dec 2013. P Fine

Inside of painted card written to Faith Ringgold. Dec 2013. P Fine.

One week ago I was back East visiting with friends and 

family celebrating my 6oth birthday. On the wall in my 

friend’s home was a card I created for him back in 1979. 

He had framed it. It was from my “Japanese period”. 

What an affirmation to me, seeing it framed and hanging 

on his wall. I like to call these old drawings “Vintage Fine".

"Vintage Fine" Hand Painted Card Correspondence. 

Watercolour and Pen and Ink. 1979. P Fine

My daughter and I send art letters to each other. We draw on both the envelope and the inside card. I have had the great pleasure to encourage and watch my daughter pursue a variety of interests. On her travels abroad during her Sophomore year in college she sent me a hand painted letter from Asia with a thank you note inside. This is one of my greatest treasures; affirmation that I was able to assist in her self actualization.

Hand Painted Letter and Envelope with Correspondence.

Watercolour, Pen and Ink. 2006. Cat A. Conner

As an educator, I strive to encourage others in their artistic pursuits as well as affirm what they were created for. That will differ with each person. I do not know what they have been created for, but whatever that is, whatever their passion or goals, I try to assist them in following their dreams. Making art, writing about their life, their interests, their passions, or sometimes just talking about the bad day they are having, illustrating their thoughts, whether in the abstract or realistically – I want them to enjoy their time making art to the best of their abilities. Collage, paint, pencil, ceramics, mixed media, computers and iPads, all these methods can be utilized as a means of expression of Who They Are. I provide the tools, and (sometimes) send them out on wild goose chases from which we all have to regroup and rethink the project.

Teaching is a constant learning for me as well; each class is different, every group of students (and the dynamics that develop between them) causes the classroom structure to change. The art class is its own unique and wonderful living organism, bringing great joy to my workday and leaving me with new memories to hoard away.

References

Pamela Fine. Personal writings from journals.

Saul Steinberg. http://www.nysocialdiary.com/node/1908814/print http://www.saulsteinbergfoundation.org/life_work.html

Kalman, Maira. (2007). The Principles of Uncertainty. The Penguin Press, New York

Farrington, Lisa. (2004). Faith Ringgold. Petaluma, CA: Pomegranate Communications, Inc.

Cat A. Conner. Personal Correspondence.